Mother’s Day was approaching, and I found myself in that familiar spiral. Would my 11 and 14-year-old orchestrate something special? Should I plan something for my own mother, despite the rupture between us? Was I supposed to want mimosas and eggs Benedict, or was I allowed to want something else entirely.
Here’s what I chose instead: I bought myself a vibrating necklace (yes, you read that right), sent myself flowers with a love note, and spent Saturday night at a tantric temple party called “Oh My Goddess” – a conscious, sacred gathering where a hundred people came together to worship the feminine divine.
And it was the best Mother’s Day gift I could have given myself.
The Weight of Mother’s Day Expectations
Let me be clear about something: Mother’s Day is complicated. It’s layered with expectations about how mothers should want to be celebrated, what makes a “good” mother, and this unspoken rule that our sexuality somehow gets filed away in a drawer marked “not relevant anymore” once we have children.
I’ve spent years navigating these waters. When I was married, there was a predictable rhythm – brunch, maybe a few hours at the spa, time with the kids. Sweet, but not necessarily nourishing in the way my soul craved.
This year, I decided to ask myself a different question: What do I actually desire?
Pleasure as Sacred Self-Care
The answer came through an Instagram exchange with the event organizer. He’d posted about pleasure jewelry he’d bought, and we got into a conversation about what moms really want for Mother’s Day. “Is it mimosas and brunch,” he asked, “or is it pleasure?”
The question stopped me cold. Because the truth is, after a week of being overscheduled and under-supported with my nanny out sick, what I desperately needed wasn’t another obligation disguised as celebration. I needed to be filled up. I needed to remember that I am a whole woman – not just a mother, not just a pleasure coach, not just a business owner, but a full, sensual, creative being.
The Sacred Waters Metaphor
In tarot, there’s a card that speaks of sacred waters – multiple rivers all flowing toward the ocean. It’s about nourishment, replenishment, receiving the flow of life. As I considered this Mother’s Day weekend, I realized I’d been living in the desert, waiting for the ocean, when what I needed was to follow the rivers.
The Mystery Temple (as this particular gathering is called) isn’t what you might imagine when you hear “sex party.” There’s no alcohol, no drugs. Everyone watches a consent video beforehand. We spent the evening in groups, taking turns being worshipped – having our palms stroked while being told beautiful things, being fed strawberries, being fanned in the heat. It was conscious, sacred, and deeply nourishing.
Coming Home Full
Here’s what happened when I gave myself what I actually wanted: I woke up on Mother’s Day morning completely fulfilled. When my 11-year-old made me pancakes and my 14-year-old (who woke at 11am) made me an iced coffee, I could receive their offerings with genuine joy rather than hidden disappointment that it wasn’t “enough.”
Because I had already filled my own cup. Hell, I had filled my own ocean.
The Integration
The most beautiful part? That evening, I took the experience and translated it for my daughter, who was preparing for her first date. We talked about knowing what you want, communicating boundaries, and the revolutionary act of checking in with yourself first, then your partner. We discussed scenarios: Do you want him to acknowledge you as special in front of friends? How do you want to be greeted? What feels good to you?
These are the conversations I wish someone had had with me at 14. These are the skills that took me decades to learn.
Reclaiming All of You
As women, we’re taught that our sexuality, our pleasure, our desires are somehow separate from our “real” lives. That business is over here, spirituality is over there, motherhood is in this box, and sexuality – well, that’s complicated.
But what if they’re all rivers flowing to the same ocean?
What if being fully expressed in your pleasure makes you more creative in your business, more present with your children, more connected to your intuition?
What if the most maternal thing you can do is model for your children – especially your daughters – what it looks like to know your desires and honor them?
Your Permission Slip
So this is your permission slip, if you need one. You’re allowed to want more than brunch. You’re allowed to be a mother AND a fully expressed sensual being. You’re allowed to buy yourself flowers, plan your own joy, and choose the celebration that actually nourishes you.
Because when you’re truly filled up – when you’ve let all those rivers flow to your ocean – everything else becomes overflow. Your children receive a mother who is genuinely nourished, not performing happiness while running on empty.
The sacred waters are waiting for you. The only question is: Are you ready to let them flow?
Aine is a certified coach, Pleasure Priestess, and co-founder of Sofanya Beauty. She believes that pleasure is not a luxury but a birthright, and that our full expression – including our sexuality – is sacred.
